Today I am a confident, outspoken woman but that wasn’t always the case. Like many women, I struggled with self- esteem and confidence. I was very insecure about just about everything concerning who I was.
I grew up with a single mother who was bipolar, though I don’t think it was well known back then. Women were told they suffered from anxiety. There was never really a peaceful time that I remember and I became a very reserved kid early on. The extreme highs and lows were constant a constant chaos I thought was normal. I became a people pleaser. I would stay that way for twenty or so years, anything anyone wanted me to be. I would be. Being quiet was never ok with anyone and I opened myself to bullying all the way into my adult life.
I went from one critical, controlling home to another. It was the norm to me so when I met my first husband I didn’t really grasp that it wasn’t right. I was starved for love, like many who grow up in a one-parent home. I didn’t grow up with my father and I knew nothing about how a man is supposed to be or even what a loving example looked like.
I wanted my children to grow up with two parents but that wasn’t what they had. They still had a broken home. It was then I found my voice and began evolving. I wanted them to have a mother they could be proud of. It was the beginning of figuring out who I truly was and what I was made of.
I learned the lessons no one taught me when I was young. I learned to value and take care of myself. I learned to be strong and proud of the true me. I learned to love myself. This was never an easy endeavor. Sometimes you’re the only one telling yourself how fabulous you are and you should each and every day. Even today I say out loud. “I’m going to awesome the world crazy today”.
Later when Facebook became big I connected with someone I went to school with. Actually, she was a childhood tormentor but of course, natural curiosity got the better of me so I friended her. One day, she looked at my pictures and stated that wasn’t me. I remember being angry as if she was accusing me of lying. Later, I smiled and wrote back that no that isn’t me you knew.
This doesn’t happen overnight. But you will never find peace until you embrace the authentic you. When you do that you will discover a whole new world that includes people who also embrace and accept you. People who love you for who you really are.
About the Author: Heidi Williams’ blog Woman Pulse is filled with posts about Lifestyle, Relationships, Health, Blogging & Beauty. She is a perfect combination of a lot of sparkle and a dash of crazy!